I'm so excited to have my first guest post on Medha'sMumMusings to be "Are we buckling to our kids by bribing them to do regular work?" by Charu Swaroop.
It’s a well acknowledged doctrine of parenting that bribery is not a good idea and is engaged in by desperate parents who are buckling under kiddy pressure. Is this really true? Before we agree or disagree, it is important to differentiate between a bribe and an incentive. A parent can say “Let’s have a chocolate or read a book before lunch!” and wonder if he or she has just used bribery.
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Here are the common arguments why you should not bribe children in order to make them do regular work.
Children should not be rewarded for behavior that is apparently considered normal for them.
This logic is baseless. Don’t you get a paycheck for a living? Who decides what behavior is normal for kids? Shouldn't they be left to themselves instead of adults deciding what is normal for them?
Arriving at a win-win situation where both the children and parents are satisfied with the end result by using a little incentive cannot be considered bribery. But this should not become a habit and something the kid becomes used to in order to perform each and every task. You buying a kids toys online and on a situation give them physical incentives like letting them play with their favorite toys can be a solution.
Involving a toy with learning attributes is all the more better. This is not bribery as your child already possesses the toy and you are just encouraging him or her to do what is loved best. Remember, children don’t go without warm clothing just because we are preparing them for a cold, cruel world!
Children actually do less of the desired activity if they are rewarded or bribed!
This is a more persuasive argument. It’s obvious that rewarding a child for a behavior communicates the fact that it is an act that is disagreeable to the child. Also, kids tend to focus so much on the reward that the act like reading, eating or studying goes out of focus. Using bribes to repeat a behavior usually backfires. It’s sensible to use compliments instead like, “You made Daddy so happy when you read out his favorite story!”
Children are extremely manipulative and they can negotiate upwards when it comes to rewards or bribes!
You know you've crossed the limit when your child pops the question, “So what do I get for that?” It’s important to never reach that stage. Also, bribing or offering rewards in order to put an end to bad behavior is an absolute no-no as you are actually encouraging further misbehavior. It’s advisable to save the ultimate in bribery like a trip to grandma’s house or maybe a visit to the mall for an ‘emergency’ when the child is uncontrollable.
Material bribes are usually discouraged but sometimes they don’t do harm if you offer small change in order to instill something positive like potty training. This habit will continue even after the bribes stop. It also teaches kids the value of money. But stepping out in the middle of the night to buy your child a toy just because he or she is bawling and refuses to sleep is something a parent should refrain from.
It’s important to be a child when you hang out with your kids and it’s also important to treat them as adults by respecting them. That’s what successful parenting is all about really.
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